The Weird and The Wacky Meet

Where YouBetIAm comes to write….

All the Horoscopes Fit To Print

Aries – March 21 to April 19 – Intensity is as intensity does.  Still, don’t you think you’ve held your hostages long enough?

Taurus – April 20 to May 20 – Today you will see a monkey try to light his tail on fire.  This frightens you because your mother always said you were a monkey's uncle and you've not seen your nephew in almost six months.

Gemini – May 21 to June 21 – Watching television can be relaxing, but this month, your television will watch you.  Perhaps you should start wearing a robe around the house.

Cancer – June 22 to July 22 – Pudding and network cables aside, your sex life will be quite vanilla this month.  Taking out an ad in Cat Fanciers Monthly will not help.

Leo – July 23 to August 22 – Kibbles and bits is not the path to proper nutrition, but you’re certainly going to give it the old college try.  Especially since the generic brand has so much more fiber.

Virgo – August 23 to September 22 – You will take in a small orphaned badger, but quickly regret the decision.  Afterwards you campaign to have the name badger changed to pester.

Libra – September 23 to October 22 – On your morning jog, you see the first flower of spring.  Some might consider this a privilege, but you know it’s your sacred right as the new queen of the mole people.

Scorpio – October 23 to November 21 – People always say you come up with good ideas off the top of your head.  Imagine what they'll find when you drill inside.

Sagittarius – November 22 to December 21 – They say fortune favors the brave, but we all know that you've been given a nickel every time someone says you're a coward.  And look who's got a fortune now!

Capricorn – December 22 to January 19 – Today you will solve a mystery.  It will be of little comfort though because your guest spot on Unsolved Mysteries was last week, and you came off kind of weird.

Aquarius – January 20 to February 18 – No matter what your boss says, you really did need to spray Febreze ™ on everyone’s cubicle but your own.  Still, it’s best not to charge the company for the service.

Pisces – February 19 to March 20 – Getting your morning jolt by swallowing a battery instead of a cup of coffee really works well.  But you have to ask yourself, is setting off all those metal detectors worth it?

Copyright 2005

What’s Your Sign, Baby?

By Amanda Evans

Date: 04/14/05