The Weird and The Wacky Meet

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Sex 101

Sex 101 or Everything You Need To Know To Lose Your Virginity Properly

 

After listening to several young women describing their first experience having sex, I decided that virgins need a check-list for losing their virginity. Sex is a beautiful and wondrous thing, but you should be prepared for it. Men and women, pay attention, this is important!

1. Sex for the first time should never be spontaneous. Once you decide to have sex, you need to do some advance planning. Before you have sex, you should be on the birth control pill, and have condoms and a water-based lubricant (like AstroGlide) on hand. To get on the pill, you need to have a gynecological exam, and then it can take days for the pill to start protecting you. Remember that the pill doesn't protect you from sexually transmitted diseases. Pregnancy can always be cured, but some STD's cannot. That's why you should always use a condom, no matter what. (Ok, there is one exception, see below, but it doesn't apply to you, so when he starts making excuses and promises, pay no attention). You should know how to put a condom on long before you're about to put it inside you. And you can't count on him knowing or even caring. Practice makes perfect. When putting a condom on, a drop or two of Astroglide on the inside will make it transmit sensation better. Unless it has a reservoir tip for the semen, leave a little space to keep it from exploding, but squeeze the air out of it. Practice on a banana or similarly-shaped object. If you're too ashamed to do this, you shouldn't be having sex.

2. If you do not feel comfortable naked in front of your partner, you're not ready to have sex with them. Sex involves more than just rubbing genitals. If you're ashamed to be naked in front of him or worried about what he'll think or whatever, your mind will not be on the same page as your genitals, and the result will not be fun for anyone. For sex to be pleasant, it has to be a full-body, full-mind experience, with no more stress than is absolutely necessary. So if you're not completely comfortable rolling around naked in bed with him, get comfortable. Eventually, you'll be ready for sex. And don't complain about the delay; it can be a lot of fun getting comfortable.

3. Don't even think of having sex unless you've masturbated to orgasm on your own. In fact, it would be nice if you did it with him and in front of him, after you've mastered it in private. If you can't enjoy sex with yourself, how do you expect to enjoy it with him? For sex to be a rewarding experience, you need to know your own body. Masturbation is the best way to learn what your body needs during sex. If you're not comfortable with having sex with yourself, you're not ready to add another person into the mix.

4. Do everything that you normally would do leading up to sex. Take time to get to the sex place. Hopefully, you've been rounding the bases leading up to sex. When you finally do decide to go all the way, round the bases first. Kiss, fondle, rub. Do all of this, then have sex as the next step.

5. Foreplay, use it, understand it, love it. If you don't know what foreplay is, you're not ready for sex. Foreplay is on this list twice because it's very important to the sexual well-being of the woman. Sex without foreplay is like using sandpaper condoms. It's not fun for anyone involved. By the time you're ready for the actual penetration, you should be quite wet. But if you want some more lubrication from a bottle of AstroGlide, there's no shame in that. Have some foreplay first, to make sure your vagina is ready for sex. You'll both appreciate it.

6. If it hurts, you're doing it wrong and you need to stop. I can't stress this one enough. If you are in pain, then you need to stop and find out what you're doing wrong. Try using more lubricant or switching positions. Make sure the penis is going in the desired location; not all men know which opening is the vagina, and it's not wise to take a one out of three chance on this. Find a position and quantity of lubricant that makes sex comfortable for you. You should not be in pain during sex. Also, keep in mind that having the woman on top allows her to set the pace so it's more comfortable for her. Don't be ashamed to be on top if it makes you more comfortable. If you happen to have an intact hymen, which you probably shouldn't by now, with all the playing around, you should expect that part to hurt a little, but the pain should be brief and not too awful. Pausing to let it pass isn't a bad idea. But if something hurts enough to distract you from enjoying yourself, stop. You can always start again, but you can't undo harm.

7. If you feel crappy afterwards, maybe you picked the wrong partner or the wrong time. If you feel ashamed after you have sex, maybe you need to re-evaluate your partner or your timing. Perhaps you weren't ready yet and need to wait a bit longer for the next time. No rule says that, once you have sex, you must immediately continue having it. If it was premature, you can wait for a while, until you're really ready to try again, this time with better planning.

8. Be honest with yourself and your partner. Make sure that you're on the same page about your expectations from sex. Make sure that you understand the relationship. Make sure that you're not being used or using your partner. The question you both have to ask is "Would the other person still be willing to have sex with me if I told them everything they need to know about me, how I feel about them, what I expect from them and so on?"  Sex without informed consent is rape.

9. Yes, I know you can stop using condoms once you're in a mature, long-term, committed relationship, like a monogamous couple living together. But you're not in one now and you probably shouldn't be when you're just getting started. This is your chance to learn about your sexuality without the burden of lifetime commitment to someone who probably isn't good for anything but a roll in the hay. Don't confuse sex with love. Sex is a wonderful thing, made more wonderful by love, but made worse by the desperate need to proclaim love.

10. Sex is sex. If someone is having an orgasm, whether it's from fingers, mouth or anus, it's sex. (And if they should be having one but aren't, it's still sex, just not very good.) Don't put vaginal sex on a pedestal and pretend it's hugely different from kissing. It's a matter of degrees, but it's all sex. You can get STD's from any of these kinds of sex (and if you're insane enough to have anal sex without a condom, you also risk a splash pregnancy). You should be using a condom or dental dam even for oral sex, because pregnancy is the least of your worries. You can transmit or receive many STD's without vaginal penetration.

11. Emotionally, it's still all sex. You can feel just as used by a guy who tricks you into fellatio as one who gets vaginal sex out of you through deception.

12. Sex is sex, even if your partner's happens to be of the same gender. The only thing that's changed is that you won't get pregnant. You still have to worry about condoms, dental dams and all the emotional parts. And here's also the extra burden of a bigoted society to deal with. While this document is aimed at heterosexual couples, homosexuals should take its message to heart.

 

Copyright 2004

 

*   I wrote this check-list after hearing about my sister's friend who had to get stitches in her vagina after she had sex for the for the first time. Sad, but true.

by Amanda Evans

Date: 12/08/03