The Weird and The Wacky Meet

Where YouBetIAm comes to write….

Winning

                 The night I lost my virginity I realized I had just learned how to breathe.  I had no idea I had gone so long without taking in the world into my lungs.  I didn’t realize that life had to swirl around my body to be alive.  No one told me.  No one told me about the quietness.  I certainly wasn’t informed that I’d feel like I was slowing circling my carefully chosen lover like the moon orbits the earth.  I just kept spinning.  I just didn’t know.

                 Before he could awaken I gathered a robe around my breasts and tummy and random parts.  I couldn’t be seen naked.  My naked body was too new to be shown.  I was too new to be shown.  I had just learned to breathe.  Why didn’t anyone tell me it would be like this?

                 My breath had been ragged the whole time.  Deep, tattered, frayed, shards of oxygen were pulled into my unfathomable lungs.  I needed to breathe.  I couldn’t live another moment without my breath.  Then it was over and I had air, so much air I felt smothered and confined by it, like I would drown in the atmosphere around the bed.  No one told me.  How come nobody told me it was like this?

                 My brain and blood were sated with oxygen.  I was sated.  I can feel the cotton of the sheets, the silk of the robe.  It’s unreal because everything seems new.  How could it be like this?

                 Contradictions seem to feel the room needs them.  I need them.  I fill my brain with paradoxical thoughts.  I want to be lost and found all at once.  I want to be one equal to two.  No one judge me, everyone knows me.  I’ve no regrets, but if someone had told me it would be like this I would have met him sooner.

 

Copyright 2004

by Amanda Evans

Date: 05/10/04